Hyderabad, biriyani, condoms and acid!

Just prior to my trip to Hyderabad for a friend’s wedding, I was talking to helpful bro #2 and he was suggesting that I eat biriyani at Paradise hotel and blog about that and other touristy stuff so that I could get more random hits on our blog. But events occurred that put all thoughts of biriyani to the back of my mind. I did end up eating the famed Paradise biriyani but a review of it became quite impossible! (Also I realised that mentioning Paradise biriyani a few more times will actually still help with the hits, so I might do that a bit.)

                        Okay, so let’s start at the beginning. My college class mate and my telugu guru (especially of the bad words) was getting married! At 22!! After getting over the initial shock and after a lot of WTFs, my friend Kay and I decided to make it to the Big day, bunking office… I also got it into my head that being friends of the groom, it was our sacred duty to provide the groom with protection for the first night, honeymoon and stuff. Coz getting married at the tender age of 22 is one thing but a kid at that age?!

So after a tiresome 14-hour bus ride where we braved a crazy storm, we arrived at the wedding hall even before the groom and braved a host of unknown relatives and a slightly scary father-in-law. Deciding that escape would be the best idea, me and Kay gave vapid reasons and entered the streets of Hyderabad and there began our quest for condoms!

                        Now Kay is this idiot who is usually all talk and no action (if you are reading this Kay, no offense. But you were really of no help with the condoms!) So the delicate task of going to a shop and asking for condoms fell onto my fragile shoulders. After I lost all my gusto when I saw a little kid near the counter at one pharmacy store, we enter pharmacy store #2. Or so I think, after trying to get the attention of the store guy who was on the phone I turn to Kay to roll my eyes at, and find that he is still outside pretending to talk to someone on the phone!! Of course all vestiges of gumption left me and I slunk away from the pharmacy. Thankfully the guy at the counter did not notice the slinking away, just like he didn’t notice me entering, talking or anything!. This is when it hits me. How truly alone we are in this sad world!

            We continue prowling the streets, when I notice this bustling super market. Light bulb hits me, super markets have condoms! I need not ask for them, all I need to do is get them to the counter and pretend not to cringe at the stares that the counter-lady gives me. We enter supermarket, frantically search for condoms, almost lose hope but then on the right lower shelf just below a row of aftershave, there were condoms! There was a variety of brands and types to choose from. I ask Kay to choose. From a distance he points to pack of Skore condoms and says those are the latest. He refuses to pick them up and put it in our cart. I do it. Get two boxes, just in case. We buy some more stuff, just to seem normal. We head to the counter. Counter lady stares but does not say a word to trying-hard-to-be-nonchalant-me. She asks for two rupees change. Since I don’t have it I turn to Kay, who is of course ten metres away and pretending that I don’t exist. He gets a bark from me and coughs up the dough and we leave. I told you he was of no help! But important thing was: I had successfully bought my first box of condoms! I think that officially transitions me from boy to MAN! I open the cover to look lovingly at the first box of condoms I bought and discover that they are blue! Okay maybe not the best wedding gift ever but most probably the most useful one our friend got that day!

                        Buying protection should seriously not be this tough, though. Open up a bit India! (Yes, yes.. I know.. That includes me and the treacherous Kay!) We should start treating sex as a normal phenomenon more! So come India, especially counter-lady-at-random-supermarket-in-Hyderabad-whom-I-will-thankfully-never-again-meet, let's decide not to judge innocent young adults who buy condoms! We should, in fact, appreciate them for being aware of safe sex and following it (or propagating it as in my case.)

 Now what has all this got anything to do with Paradise biriyani you ask? Well nothing actually. I just wanted to tell you about the time I got condoms. But there is another adventure behind that biriyani. Look out for Hyderabad, biriyani, condoms and acid – part 2!