(It’s advised that you read part one before going ahead - if
you haven’t already. As a general rule of thumb, it is always better that way.
Of course if you are a block head who insists on reading this first, go ahead!
Nothing I can say can change your chosen path! So ride forth brave soldier!
Slightly stupid, yes, but brave!)
So here we are in Hyderabad.
After successfully purchasing “our gift” and getting it safely to the groom
without getting caught, we enter the wedding festivities. There were two
goondas straight from a bad tamil/telugu movie who we were really scared of! We
heard they were from Rayalaseema, the town known for thugs. But scarier still
was the thought of getting caught red-handed – or blue-handed, if you will – by
the father-in-law. He always smiled at us, but in an evil sinister way. Kinda
like ‘The Captain’ from HIMYM…
Now, here’s the thing about Andhra
marriages, the muhurtam or the auspicious time for these marriages are fixed
based on the to-be-wed couples’ start-signs and usually this falls at night! So
the wedding party started at around 8, (i.e. food was served from then on) but
the actual marriage began only at 10.30… PM!! Just few months back I went to a
friend’s brother’s marriage which was at 4 in the morning! Why are auspicious
times always at such ungodly hours?! I swear when I get married it’ll be at
some evening 7. Maybe earlier coz I wanna be well rested for the first night,
honey-moon, etc. I have my priorities right!
Landing back in India after a dream sequence honeymoon in Switzerland
(Pudhu vellai mazhai song as bgm), I look at my watch, it’s crossing 12 and the
priest does not seem to be giving up even a little bit! He’s chanting fervently
into the mike that the helpful assistant is holding up and try as I might I’m
not able to doze off in the back with all this going on. The couple on stage
although is having the time of their life. When the priest asks my buddy to
hold his bride-to-be’s hand and throw some stuff on the fire, he does so with a
smile on his lips and many a sweet glances go between him and his beloved.
Romance at this time!! My sadly single soul can not take it! After haranguing
Kay for an hour, we leave at 1.30am. The proceedings seem to have ended by
then. Or at least there is a pause for some photos and I use it to congratulate
the couple and get the heck outta there!
This, Fate decides, is the perfect time for my next adventure! We were
actually staying in a nearby apartment where we had one room all to ourselves
and two other rooms occupied by random families. So we reach there and find
that it is locked, but by a sliding chain lock. After fighting with the door
for a while and pounding on it to no avail, yours truly decides to give one
last try before getting back to the marriage hall. The thought of seeing the
priest again is too much for me. I get my hand in, jimmy up the lock a bit and
before I know what’s happening it’s coming loose and the door was ajar!! Hey,
presto! Unfortunately there was no applause. Moments like these could really
use a laugh-track to shake things a bit… Plus how weird would it be if you kept
hearing people laughing inside your head! Admit it, it would be awesome. It’s
just the way you’ve been brought up that makes you think that it would be
called mental.
Anyway, we just trooped
in all tired. My friends almost immediately fell asleep. My drowsiness had
kinda fled away coz of all the activity at the door. I was also really thirsty.
So I make my way to the kitchen. Feel my way up to a light bulb. Open two
refrigerators, both of which are, of course, empty! There did not seem to be
any water in the house! I think of drinking a bit of tap water and approach the
sink and there viola, was a neat looking Kinley water bottle with what looked
like two sips of water in it! I take a sip.
Kay wakes up hearing some frantic
noises in the kitchen and sees me gargling furiously. I point to the bottle. He
smells it and pronounces solemnly: it is acid! He reiterates that since a
similar smell was coming from the toilet in our room, it was possibly
bathroom-cleaning acid. So yes, I had just taken a swig of acid! Not just any
acid, toilet cleaning acid!
After
more gargling and retching I go lie down to try and get some sleep. My tongue
is still burning a lot. But I’m not panicking much. So Kay regales me with
awesome stories about how drinking acid can kill people. I thankfully didn’t
swallow any. He still feels there’s a chance that my tongue may completely
burn-off and how I may be lisping the next day. Thank you for all your kind
words Kay! I just love how supportive my friends are!
But don’t worry readers, your intrepid author is fine and fit as a fiddle.
Except for not being able to taste a thing for the next two days I was pretty
normal. Anyhoo, this is why although I ate at the Paradise
and ordered their best chicken biriyani, I could not taste a thing! For what
it’s worth I got a vague sensation of taste at the back of my tongue while
eating it and it seemed good! Do try it and get back me to me with your
reviews. Meanwhile write to me if anyone wants to know how acid tastes!
P.S. Last week my mom had kept a cup of coffee decoction in
the fridge. I thought it looked like grape juice and was about to taste it. But
the experience from the acid kicked in and I smelled it first! So lesson learnt!
Always smell random liquids before gulping them down, no matter how thirsty you
are!! Also when my brother told this story to my grandpa, he took him aside and
said that what I drank may have been alcohol but the poor little kid would not
have known the difference! Thank you, dear grandpa!
